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Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes.

Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes.

Regular price $19.00 Sale

This 100% cotton tote bag is a fun way to stay organized and keep your hands free!

Design is also available as an apron here and as a tea towel here.

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A Bit of a Beach

A Bit of a Beach

A Bit of a Beach

Atlanta Skyline watercolor

Atlanta Skyline watercolor

Atlanta Skyline watercolor

Beach, don't kill my vibe.

Beach, don't kill my vibe.

Beach, don't kill my vibe.

Does this towel smell like chloroform to you?

Don't Be A Pecker

Don't Be A Pecker

Don't Be A Pecker

Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

Don't worry, I goat this

Don't worry, I goat this

Don't worry, I goat this.

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

Engineer of the Crazy Train

Engineer of the Crazy Train

Engineer of the Crazy Train

Every day I am forced to add yet another name to the list of people I am going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

Every day I am forced to add yet another name to the list of people I am going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

Every day I am forced to add yet another name to the list of people I am going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

First I Drink the Coffee, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Coffee, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Coffee, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Tea, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Tea, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Tea, Then I Do the Things

Georgia with ATL heart

Georgia with ATL heart

Georgia with ATL heart

Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy...

Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy...

Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy...

Hey Alexa, do the dishes

*State Love tote bag

A Bit of a Beach

Atlanta Skyline watercolor

Beach, don't kill my vibe.

Don't Be A Pecker

Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

Don't worry, I goat this

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

Engineer of the Crazy Train

Every day I am forced to add yet another name to the list of people I am going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

First I Drink the Coffee, Then I Do the Things

First I Drink the Tea, Then I Do the Things

Georgia with ATL heart

Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy...

Hey Alexa, do the dishes

I am silently correcting your grammar.

I bake, because punching people is frowned upon.

I don’t care if the glass is half-empty or half-full. Is there wine in it?

I don’t have a bucket list, but my f***-it list is a mile long.

I don’t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you right now.

I keep trying to make protein shakes, but they keep coming out as margaritas.

I like big books and I cannot lie.

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

I will see your sarcasm and raise you some sass.

I won’t be impressed by technology until I can download food.

I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy shit for some whiskey and bacon.

I'm a mom. This IS my circus. Those ARE my monkeys.

I'm a mother. What's your superpower?

I'm a nurse. What's your superpower?

I'm a teacher. What's your superpower?

I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman...

I’m really glad we don’t have to hunt our own food anymore. I don’t even know where the sandwiches live.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Love thy selfie.

Momster: (mom-ster) n. what happens to mom after she counts to three.

My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.

Not today, Satan.

On The Outside I'm In Complete Control

Our friendship is built on sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.

Ringmaster of the Shit Show

Shit Creek Survivor

Sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

That’s what I do. I bake, and I know things.