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Whatever totes your goat.

Whatever totes your goat.

Regular price $19.00 Sale

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This 100% cotton tote bag is a fun way to stay organized and keep your hands free!

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Does this towel smell like chloroform to you?

Don't Be A Pecker

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Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

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Don't worry, I goat this

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Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

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Engineer of the Crazy Train

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Every day I am forced to add yet another name to the list of people I am going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

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First I Drink the Coffee, Then I Do the Things

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First I Drink the Tea, Then I Do the Things

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Beach, don't kill my vibe.

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Don't let your ice cream melt while you're counting someone else's sprinkles.

Don't worry, I goat this

Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

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Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy...

Hey Alexa, do the dishes

I am silently correcting your grammar.

I bake, because punching people is frowned upon.

I don’t care if the glass is half-empty or half-full. Is there wine in it?

I don’t have a bucket list, but my f***-it list is a mile long.

I don’t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you right now.

I keep trying to make protein shakes, but they keep coming out as margaritas.

I like big books and I cannot lie.

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

I will see your sarcasm and raise you some sass.

I won’t be impressed by technology until I can download food.

I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy shit for some whiskey and bacon.

I'm a mom. This IS my circus. Those ARE my monkeys.

I'm a mother. What's your superpower?

I'm a nurse. What's your superpower?

I'm a teacher. What's your superpower?

I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman...

I’m really glad we don’t have to hunt our own food anymore. I don’t even know where the sandwiches live.

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

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Ringmaster of the Shit Show

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