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Whatever totes your goat.
  • Whatever totes your goat.

Whatever totes your goat.

$18.00 Sale

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Here in the South, we don’t hide crazy. We parade it around on the front porch and give it a cocktail.
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Hey Alexa, do the dishes
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I am on my “cutting my own bangs” glass of wine.
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I am silently correcting your grammar.
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I bake, because punching people is frowned upon.
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I don’t care if the glass is half-empty or half-full. Is there wine in it?
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I don’t have a bucket list, but my fuck-it list is a mile long.
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I don’t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you right now.
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I keep trying to make protein shakes, but they keep coming out as margaritas.
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I like big books and I cannot lie.
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I think my soulmate might be carbs.
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I will see your sarcasm and raise you some sass.
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I won’t be impressed by technology until I can download food.
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I wouldn’t do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy shit for some whiskey and bacon.
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I'm a mother. What's your superpower?
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I'm a teacher. What's your superpower?
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I’m really glad we don’t have to hunt our own food anymore. I don’t even know where the sandwiches live.
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JOY
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Let's get baked
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Let's get lit
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Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
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Love thy selfie.
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Momster: (mom-ster) n. what happens to mom after she counts to three.
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Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes.
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Not today, Satan.
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Our friendship is built on sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
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So what happens when the chips and salsa run out? Do I die, or what?
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That’s what I do. I bake, and I know things.
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They should have put more wine in a bottle, so there’s enough for two people.
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This year instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited.
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Time to clean my house. And by clean my house, I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze.
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We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
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